Marriage: 6 Commitments-Lesson 12 "Sticking Out Your Neck" & "Someone To Be Trusted"

Housekeeping

-Family in Need

-Cocoa and Caroling Next Sunday the 12th 5:30pm

-Quick Census: Who’s here on the 26th?

Prayer

We are at the 3rd Commitment

“We will work together to build a sturdy bond of trust.”

Let’s read two of the scriptures I asked each of you to read

1 John 4:7–21 CSB

7 Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his one and only Son into the world so that we might live through him. 10 Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, if God loved us in this way, we also must love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God. If we love one another, God remains in us and his love is made complete in us. 13 This is how we know that we remain in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and we testify that the Father has sent his Son as the world’s Savior. 15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God—God remains in him and he in God. 16 And we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and the one who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him. 17 In this, love is made complete with us so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment, because as he is, so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears is not complete in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 If anyone says, “I love God,” and yet hates his brother or sister, he is a liar. For the person who does not love his brother or sister whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And we have this command from him: The one who loves God must also love his brother and sister.

John 15:1–17 CSB

1 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 Every branch in me that does not produce fruit he removes, and he prunes every branch that produces fruit so that it will produce more fruit. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, and I in you. Just as a branch is unable to produce fruit by itself unless it remains on the vine, neither can you unless you remain in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without me. 6 If anyone does not remain in me, he is thrown aside like a branch and he withers. They gather them, throw them into the fire, and they are burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you want and it will be done for you. 8 My Father is glorified by this: that you produce much fruit and prove to be my disciples. 9 “As the Father has loved me, I have also loved you. Remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 “I have told you these things so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. 12 “This is my command: Love one another as I have loved you. 13 No one has greater love than this: to lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 I do not call you servants anymore, because a servant doesn’t know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything I have heard from my Father. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce fruit and that your fruit should remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he will give you. 17 “This is what I command you: Love one another.

Chapter 9 “Sticking Out Your Neck”

Trust: Being so convinced that you can rely on the integrity, strength, character, and faithfulness of another that you are willing to place yourself in his or her care. (page 153)

I asked each of you to take time and answer the “Trust Questionare” on pages 151-153. Then, as you are bathed in prayer and humility, answer the following questions:

-After answering the trust questionnaire, how would you rate your marriage?

What answers surprised or challenged you?

-What is one thing your spouse does or can do to build your trust in him or her?

-What is one thing your spouse sometimes does that tears down your trust in him or her?

-Taking into account your answers to questions 3 and 4, what is one habit you can start this week to build more trust in your marriage? For instance, if you aren’t doing very well at listening to your spouse, you might find a way to add a daily time of connection to your calendars. Or if you are complaining about your spouse to others, you might need to ask your friends to hold you accountable in that area.

We will not take time to dissect these questions or the chapter as a whole.

As I stated this before, this chapter is meant to be a foundation for Chapter 10.

We each have to come humbly before Christ and allow Him to speak to us…this is not a He/She or even a We, it is an I focus.

If we are to be “Someone To Be Trusted” then we each need to “Stick Out Our Neck” and let God speak to each of us. Live out John 3:21.

John 3:21 CSB

21 But anyone who lives by the truth comes to the light, so that his works may be shown to be accomplished by God.”

Chapter 10 “Someone To Be Trusted.”

Trust: Being so convinced that you can rely on the integrity, strength, character, and faithfulness of another that you are willing to place yourself in his or her care. (page 153)

Trust-it’s readily given, easily broken, and costly to restore.

Read highlighted portion from page 168 to class

At some point, you will realize that you are in a relationship with someone either predictable and reliable or not faithful or true to his or her word. Here is the point: trust is inescapable in any relationship, particularly in marriage, and although it is temporarily granted, trust is something that must always be built for any relationship to be healthy. This is true of marriage even more. If your marriage is going to be what God intended it to be, trust must be built, maintained, and protected, and restored when broken. This is what this chapter is about.

Trust Builders (page 170)

This is a truth that we each must own. We read it as we started class in 1 John 4.

1 John 4:15–21 CSB

15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God—God remains in him and he in God. 16 And we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and the one who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him. 17 In this, love is made complete with us so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment, because as he is, so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears is not complete in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 If anyone says, “I love God,” and yet hates his brother or sister, he is a liar. For the person who does not love his brother or sister whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And we have this command from him: The one who loves God must also love his brother and sister.

Tripp states on page 171

Here’s what you need to understand: the building of trust between you begins vertically before it ever begins horizontally. This means that because of your confidence in God’s presence, love, power to change you, forgiveness, wisdom of what he calls you to do, his empowering grace and unwillingness to forsake what he has begun before it is done, you are able to step out and build a trust relationship with your spouse.

So let’s look over these 6 Trust Builders.

-Playing It Straight: “Is your communication free of hidden agenda, and is it motivated by the needs of your spouse?”

-Keeping Your Word:Are you serious about your promises, even when they are little, and do you do everything in your power to follow through?”

-Facing Up To Your Wrongs: “Do you quickly admit your wrongs and seek forgiveness?”

-Nurturing and Watching Out For Your Spouse: “How well do you care for one another?”

-Keeping Short Accounts: “Do you quickly deal with wrongs and quickly settle your differences?”

-Remembering that Trust is War: “Do you respond to your spouse out of a sense of your own heart need?”

Let’s discuss this- “Which of those 6 Trust Builders are the most challenging for you? Why is that difficult for you?”

Trust Protectors (page 178)

“How do you protect the trust that you have built and ensure that the relationship between you and your spouse remains safe and secure?”

It really is simple, just three things to focus on daily...

You need to be commited to:

Talk, Talk, Talk: Constant conversation is the model each of us needs to pursue in our marriages-heart disclosing and relationship protecting.

Listen, Listen, Listen: Listening is an active commitment. In order to hear your spouse well, you have to fight the battle with your self-righteousness, your tendency to excuse what you have done, and your skill at shifting the blame. Listening is something you have to fight to do.

Pray, Pray, Pray: You thank God for what he has given you (reminding yourself to look around and be grateful), and you reach out for God’s help (reminding yourself of your ongoing need for his grace).

Trust Restorers (page 180)

Admit Your Need

Get Help

Don’t Give Up

Stick Your Neck Out

Get Back Up Again

Remember Jesus

Where are you when it comes to trust, and how is God calling you to get from where you are to where he can enable you to be? Don’t be willing to live with shattered trust. Your Lord is in the business of restoration and is ready to help you.

In Closing

Next week we will begin our 4th Commitment: “We Will Commit to Building a Relationship of Love”

Pray